I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dicks are not precious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
