he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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