She's JV to your varsity
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
