small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
