we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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