Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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