He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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