The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
