"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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