I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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