i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
