I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
