so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
