Do you still have your period?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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