chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mom said you looked used
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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