I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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