Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
