I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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