Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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