ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
