After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
