I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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