idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
