i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
