tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
