I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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