wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
