I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You're like the curious george of whores
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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