so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
