Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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