I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
