Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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