She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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