I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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