I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So vagazzling was a success
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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