it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he thought i was a dude.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
