True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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