If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
