some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
