dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
