Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
