If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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