i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Say something about gay babies.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Enjoy the penises
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
