i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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