why didn't you poke me back
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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