Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found your dick twin last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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