Old men and throwing up are my life now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
