Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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