operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
