so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
