Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
