mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
