that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
